My mind is boggled right now by how drastically my feelings have changed about living in this apartment. So many wonderful things have happened here over the last couple of years and I really thought I would somehow be here until I found a real home/house/thingamajig of my own.
Since I have temporarily become two people everything is so different. The music that I used to enjoy or sleep right through as it pounded up through the floor from the bar downstairs now seems like never ending torture.
This place that has been so great for someone as bizzarly antisocial as myself has now become such a burden. To be able to sit out in the sun, smell the food cooking in the restaurant, hear the live music as if I were there, watch the people walk by all without having to leave the house....really so perfect for me.
But now I'm tired and the music is irritating in the evening, and makes me so aware of the fact that even if the baby could sleep through it it would keep me up in the few hours that I might get to sleep in the evenings. The patio that seemed to be such a selling point feels like a death trap now, not to mention being Kitty suicide attempt central...who needs it.
I wonder if in two and half months when the Kidney Bean arrives into the would if I will still feel like two people. Will that last forever now or until she becomes a person of her own and pulls away in Independence?
Why do I feel so afraid to leave this place when I don't really want to be here anymore...I don't mind change but I hate breaking plans.
Picture: Feather Fascinator, hair piece on headband. I know so random!
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